terror

 is typing things like

*saying i'm emotional is gaslighting

oh, there are so many examples and i said but it was just the one, just the one

ignoring he said that in six months i could move toward him

every time i asked...

--when i could have copied and pasted what you'd typed and kept spamming you with it

posting it fifty times a minute

i could've taken out an ad in a cork newspaper

i could've written a play about it and put on a caper--

...but that's not just a tiny example, you see--

--it was designed to make me fall apart so you could desecrate

but why would you destroy me just to piss all over my besotted face?

"because he's a man " resounding

from all

the 

women

with whom i used to swing in solidarity 

and now just don't make any sense to me

(i am actually...i am a logical person, and i always still love...

...you caressed me in so many ways, helped me steady myself, showed me that a man can see...

...but apparently you lack empathy)

facts and logic and coping

aren't compassion, but i thought

you were compassion and love and

anyway, i am living in terror

for having to name it all. there is more than i thought--but you'd never forgive me, you will travel farther and farther away

when all i want is to still your pain.

there's more, and it goes back to almost the very beginning...extinguishing my flame

denying my core

but what was the whole friendship even for...