awakening

what if the issue was just

well, not so simple, but as simple as

holding each other's hands and trusting each other to really see, and hear, really listen

instead of with bated breath hoping we would guess what the other really meant, or which thing we really referred to?

i think i understand what you mean about

your feelings, when i thought i had addressed

your

feelings

and clearly

if this is what i'm seeing correctly

now that i'm not so scared, now that the flashbacks are calming down

now

that

i wonder if your gaslighting really was just fear, since i was too afraid to touch it and see you explode and burn me so i could never get over it and back to alive

then i see how unnecessarily we blew to smithereens

but your impatience with me was also part of the gaslighting--

--because gaslighting means

refusal to communicate and allow two people to meet

i'd roller skate over to your part of the equation and hug you

into eternity