love

 all i really feel for you is love

but at what you said...terror has maybe edged toward anger.

you meant to destroy me to my very core.

how could you say that because i was terrified of dee making me throw up all over his penis and swallow my own vomit, and watch him tell me it was a really good "suck,"

his word, i don't know how to handle that word, it is so vile

and the memory it brings up is a man i thought was my first real, happy boyfriend...

...who made me vomit and swallow my vomit, slamming it down my throat, loving hear me retch

watching me helplessly flail as he shoved my head with his hand

i have never in my life until you been told

i drain the fun from a man's life

i had only meant to reach out and connect with you and find out who you are

i would

never

sent you other women, experiences you want to have, happiness

i only hoped that we would be the correct fit someday...but wanted you to find that fit even if she isn't me

because 

you deserve love...