Saturday, October 28, 2023

harlot

when i was fifteen a boy at school, jason kulchinsky, started calling me a harlot. sometimes a couple dozen times in a row.

i went to a residential high school; this was routine at dinnertime. "harlot harlot harlot harlot harlot."

i was only 15. i had never even been kissed.

he did this for at least two years. yes. two. he was a grade above me. so two.

turned out it was because he had a crush on me. it was cruel.

but maybe now i need it. 

i'm trying to make things right with dee. i know i'm acting like a classic victim. i'm watching myself do it and my heart and brain are screaming, "stop! why are you letting him deny everything?"

but i am not capable of being with someone...and i can't even understand why you want me to be. i know i somehow destroyed my favorite friendship

at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

names

cédrìc i said your name a lot because i said chris' a lot because i said jeff's a lot because i read years ago that when you say som...

  • control
     oh, cédric  i don't know what this feeling is maybe it's a sense of control i told his brothers  that i want them to help me  help ...
  • hope
     i think maybe what you meant could have been loving. i think maybe you just couldn't see the truth, and that in not seeing who i am you...
  • denial
     you gaslit me. i've known it since you did it. i'm falling i'm falling i'm falling because i can't match it with the re...